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As a recovering control freak in my own life, I have had some very powerful, and sometimes painful lessons that I have had to learn along the way in order to break free from the stress that comes from needing to control things. Learning the art of surrendering is a key part of learning how to overcome fear!
The idea of surrendering has been important to me in 2022. After two years of experiencing a global pandemic, with plenty of uncertainty and fear, the idea of surrendering has been big for me. When I was called to choose a word for the year 2022, the word surrender was what resonated with me. I really felt called to surrender more. To go with the flow and trust in the direction I’m being led. That is a far cry from the fear and anxiety that have been an underlying part of my life for so long. If you follow astrology and have an understanding of the north nodes, mine is in Pisces, which is all about learning to trust in Divine guidance. Surrendering is key.
Fear in the world
There are many people in the world who live with overwhelming fear. This fear causes them to attempt to try to control the world around them. They look for control in their relationships, to control the outcome of specific events to fit their liking, and to control their home and business surroundings. These people deal with a discomfort level that is fairly high on a consistent basis. So high that they feel anxiety daily. This prompts them to attempt to control things as a way to soothe themselves and bring about a certain level of comfort.
This can definitely be an issue for those who are energy sensitive. When you don’t understand how to manage energy effectively, then it’s pretty easy to become overwhelmed by heavy dense energies. I recognized just how much fear I had been carrying for a long time unnecessarily and how that contributed to my control freak nature.
There are certain things that can be controlled, to an extent. You have a certain level of control over how your house is on the inside and out. You can decorate it in a specific way. Or you can keep it at a certain temperature and live in a specific town or neighborhood. And you can control how you dress and groom yourself, how you talk, how you behave, and even how you think.
But problems arise when you bring other people into the equation. You can never control the behavior, beliefs, feelings, or thoughts of others. Each person that you encounter has their own thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. And because of free will, they will behave in a manner that is comfortable to them. If the actions or behaviors of one individual are uncomfortable to another, then a toxic pattern then occurs.
This happens as the person experiencing discomfort begins to try to control the behavior of the other to bring their behavior to a level that is not so uncomfortable to them. The person who is the subject of the attempt to control may actually conform…for a while. But eventually, the behavior will occur again and will create conflict between the two. The result is a relationship that is strained and unhealthy for both individuals.
Trying to control specific events
We often try to control the outcome of specific events. For example, a woman may try to control the outcome after the first date with a potential partner by calling, texting, or emailing her date in hopes of gaining a second date. Another person may try to control the outcome of a job interview or business meeting by offering too much information. Parents often attempt to control the actions of their children.
The need to control situations or people arises out of fear of what might happen if we don’t. A mother may try to control their child because they believe that if they don’t, then something bad may happen. A woman on a date may try to control the outcome because she is afraid that if she doesn’t, then she will never find her soulmate. And it will validate that she is not worthy of love. Someone else may attempt to control the outcome of a job interview because they are afraid that if they don’t get the job they may lose their house. We become attached to a specific outcome because that is what we believe is the absolute best for ourselves.
And yet, the stress that comes with the need to control is overwhelming. The truth is, we can let go of the stress and the need to control situations, outcomes, and people. We can overcome the fear of the unknown and the need to guide outcomes and learn how to allow what is.
How can you practice surrendering?
Look at what you’re afraid of
Often we carry around fear and yet are not completely present and fully aware of that fear. So acknowledging what it is that we are afraid of is the first step to surrendering.
Ask yourself if this is a real and legitimate fear
It is not uncommon for people to catastrophize things and get bogged down with the “what ifs”. What if this happens or what if that doesn’t happen? Admit it, we’ve all done it before. There are many legitimate concerns about things in the world. But it is easy to get carried away with worrying about what “could” happen in the future. None of us has a crystal ball with which to see the future. Use common sense to keep yourself grounded and not stay in a place of worrying about things that “could” happen.
What would it feel like if you weren’t carrying around the weight of the energy of fear?
We try to control things because of fear. The energy of fear is heavy and oppressive and doesn’t feel very good. So what if you allowed yourself to let go of that fear and trust that things will work out, no matter what happens? This was a huge lesson that I had to learn in my own life. In 2014, when I faced losing my mother to cancer, losing my voice, and losing my marriage, I faced three of the biggest fears of my life. And although I tried to control things initially, it was once I finally surrendered and let go of the fear that I was brought to a place of peace. And although what I faced was difficult, I am better for having gone through it, and the blessings that have occurred have been amazing.
Use energy clearing tools such as EFT
Energy-clearing tools can be a great way to help release some of the negative energy that you are holding onto. Energy-releasing tools are a powerful way to let go of fear and negativity.
Daily meditation is a powerful way to connect deeply with yourself and help you let go. Meditation is great for relieving stress and can help to bring you clarity as well. Meditation also brings your focus out of the future and the “what ifs” and allows you to be in the present moment.
Get regular exercise!
Moving your body each day helps to release endorphins which make you feel good. It can also help you to release the physical tension that is being held in your body.
Worrying doesn’t solve anything. It keeps you stuck in creating scenarios about the future that don’t exist and keeps you from being present in the moment. Allowing yourself to practice surrendering, releasing, and letting go of that worry will benefit your physical, mental, and emotional health!